Quotes from The World According to Garp...

Garp
My name is T.S. Garp.

Helen
What's the T.S. stand for?

Garp
Terribly Sexy. I used to be Terribly Shy, but I changed.

Helen
I'm Helen Holm.

Garp
Oh, Holm sweet Holm. Our new wrestling coach here is named Holm. Boy, what a hard-ass! We call him "Holm sweat Holm".

Helen
He's my father. I'm his daughter. We're the Holm team

Garp
Oh. Take care. Ass-hole.

Garp
Well?

Jenny Fields
It's, uh...a bit thin.

Garp
Yeah, it's not the quantity that counts.

Jenny Fields
Thanks God for that! This is good enough for me.

Garp
That's not very artistic, though.

Jenny Fields
Well, I'm not an artist. I'm a nurse and it's about time I got back to it.

Garp
I wanna be an artist, and I want to know what you thought of it.

Jenny Fields
I'm not sure I understand it.

Garp
Mom, it's very simple. He can do wonders when he's wearing his magic gloves. If his wife is sad, he touches her with his gloves, she's happy. If his children are crying, he touches them, and they smile. But he can't feel them! He yearns to feel. He can even hold off death with his magic gloves, but he can't feel life. So, he takes off the gloves, and he dies. But, he finally feels life as he's flying into the arms of death.

Garp
We'll take the house.

Helen
Garp.

Garp
Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. See? It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here.

Garp
Nobody is buying my novel. I'm starting my second and the same nobodies are going to line up not to buy that one too.

Garp
We are civilized people, and civilized people obey rules! You Neolithic dipshit!

Babysitter
What does T.S. Stand for?

Garp
Terrebly Sad. I used to be Terrebly Sexy, but I changed

Babysitter
Oh, I don't think so

Garp
Really?