Quotes from The World According to Garp...

Garp
My name is T.S. Garp.

Helen
What's the T.S. stand for?

Garp
Terribly Sexy. I used to be Terribly Shy, but I changed.

Helen
I'm Helen Holm.

Garp
Oh, Holm sweet Holm. Our new wrestling coach here is named Holm. Boy, what a hard-ass! We call him "Holm sweat Holm".

Helen
He's my father. I'm his daughter. We're the Holm team

Garp
Oh. Take care. Ass-hole.

Garp
Well?

Jenny Fields
It's, uh...a bit thin.

Garp
Yeah, it's not the quantity that counts.

Jenny Fields
Thanks God for that! This is good enough for me.

Garp
That's not very artistic, though.

Jenny Fields
Well, I'm not an artist. I'm a nurse and it's about time I got back to it.

Garp
I wanna be an artist, and I want to know what you thought of it.

Jenny Fields
I'm not sure I understand it.

Garp
Mom, it's very simple. He can do wonders when he's wearing his magic gloves. If his wife is sad, he touches her with his gloves, she's happy. If his children are crying, he touches them, and they smile. But he can't feel them! He yearns to feel. He can even hold off death with his magic gloves, but he can't feel life. So, he takes off the gloves, and he dies. But, he finally feels life as he's flying into the arms of death.

Garp
We'll take the house.

Helen
Garp.

Garp
Honey, the chances of another plane hitting this house are astronomical. See? It's been pre-disastered. We're going to be safe here.

Garp
Nobody is buying my novel. I'm starting my second and the same nobodies are going to line up not to buy that one too.

Garp
We are civilized people, and civilized people obey rules! You Neolithic dipshit!

Babysitter
What does T.S. Stand for?

Garp
Terrebly Sad. I used to be Terrebly Sexy, but I changed

Babysitter
Oh, I don't think so

Garp
Really?

"In the world according to Garp, we are all terminal cases."

from the ReadingGroupGuides.com, please answer the following questions:

1. In an essay, John Irving writes about his frustration in trying to determine what The World According to Garp is about. He finally accepts his young son's conclusion: "The fear of death of the death of children--or of anyone you love." In your opinion, is this the most overt theme of the novel?

2. Feminism comes in many flavors in the novel. The most obvious, perhaps, are Jenny Field's straightforward brand of feminism, Ellen Jamesian's embittered, victimized type, and Roberta Muldoon's nurturing, female-embracing style. But are there other characters who portray less distinct, murkier shades of feminism? What is feminism in the lives of Helen Holm, Charlotte the prostitute, Mrs. Ralph, and other women in the novel? And what does feminism mean to Garp?

3. How does The World According to Garp ultimately assess the prospects of understanding between the sexes? Support your opinion with examples from the novel.

4. In the novel, we read about a variety of biographers' theories on why Garp stopped writing--and what motivated him to write again--albeit for a very short-lived time. Helen agreed that Garp's collision with his own mortality brought him back to his craft. If you were the biographer of T. S. Garp, what would your theory be?

5. Garp's vehemence against "political true believers" is a major force of the novel and he maintains that they are the sworn enemy of the artist. The Ellen Jamesians are a farcical portrayal of this notion. In your opinion, what is the relationship between art and politics--and is it possible for them to successfully coexist?

6. After the terrible accident in which Duncan is maimed, many pages pass before Walt's death is acknowledged to the reader. And then, it is given a tragic-comedic twist; Garp announces in an Alice Fletcher-like lisp that he "mish him." What was the effect of this narrative device on you? Was the sorrow intensified or assuaged?

7. The narrator's voice is ironically detached and almost flippant--even when delivering the most emotionally charged, heartbreaking moments in the novel. In what ways does the narrator contrast and play against the novel's dramatic elements? How is it similar--and different--from the voice of Garp?

8. People who have read and loved The World According to Garp consistently comment on the extraordinary ability of the novel to provoke laughter and tears simultaneously. Was this your experience as well? If so, how do you think this effect is achieved?

9. What is the significance of the meta-fiction--the stories within the story? How does Garp's "writing" voice compare to our perception of him as a character?

10. Over the last fifteen years The World According to Garp has entered the canon of literature. How do you think it is perceived now in comparison to when it was first published in the late '70s? Is the American moral center much different today than it was then? For example, despite Garp's and Helen's indiscretions, their relationship is still portrayed as loving and supportive. Do you think that today's social climate is as accepting of these kind of transgressions?

11. In his afterword, John Irving admits to having been "positively ashamed of how much lust was in the book. Indeed, every character in the story who indulges his or her lust is severely punished." How do you feel about that condemnation? Is the world an arguably more precarious place because of lust?

12. What do the peripheral characters contribute to the novel? Is there a common thread they share . . . Mrs. Ralph, the young hippie, Dean Bodger, Ernie Holm, "Old Tinch," the Fletchers?

Stupid True Headlines LIST

1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case
5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies in House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
9. Stud Tires Out
10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
49. Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
51. Steals Clock, Faces Time
52. Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
53. Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
54. Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board
55. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
56. Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction
57. Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training
58. Include your Children When Baking Cookies

things to do inside ang elevator...

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.

Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

Sell Girl Scout cookies.

On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.

Shave.

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"

Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

One word: Flatulence!

On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

Do Tai Chi exercises.

Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, motion sickness!"

Give religious tracts to each passenger.

Meow occassionally.

Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.

Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.

Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.

Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"

Leave a box between the doors.

Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.

Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.

Start a sing-along.

When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"

Play the harmonica.

Shadow box.

Say "Ding!" at each floor.

Lean against the button panel.

Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

Bring a chair along.

Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"

Blow spit bubbles.

Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.

Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."

If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

ABOUT FARTS...so, What Are You?

VAIN: A person who loves the smell of his own farts.

AMIABLE: A person who loves the smell of other people's farts.

PROUD: A person who thinks his farts are exceptionally fine.

SHY: A person who releases silent farts and then blushes.

IMPUDENT: A person who boldly farts out loud and then laughs.

UNFORTUNATE: A person who tries awfully hard to fart but shits instead.

SCIENTIFIC: A person who farts regularly but is only concerned about pollution.

NERVOUS: A person who stops in the middle of his fart.

HONEST: A person who admits he farted but offers good medical reasons.

DISHONEST: A person who farts and then blames the dog.

FOOLISH: A person who suppresses a fart for hours and hours.

THRIFTY: A person who has several good farts in reserve.

ANTI-SOCIAL: A person who excuses himself and farts in complete privacy.

STRATEGIC: A person who conceals his farts with loud coughing.

SADISTIC: A person who farts in bed and then fluffs the cover over his bed mate.

INTELLECTUAL: A person who can determine from the smell of his neighbor's fart precisely the latest food item consumed.

ATHLETIC: A person who farts at the slightest exertion.

MISERABLE: A person who would truly love to, but can't fart at all.

SENSITIVE: A person who farts and then starts crying.

top five street food i like:

sa malamig
lumpiang sariwa
fish ball
inihaw na isau
chiken intestines

favorite lines from the gladiator..

Maximus: If you find yourself alone riding in green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Elysium and you're already dead!!!

Quintus: People should know when they are conquered

Maximus: On my signal, unleash hell

Maximus: You know, dirt cleans off a lot easier than blood

Proximo: Those giraffes you sold me won't mate. They just walk around eating, and not mating. You sold me queer giraffes...I want my money back.

Proximo: Ultimately, we're all dead men, sadly we cannot choose how, but we can decide how we meet that end in order that we are remembered as men.

Maximus: Frost...sometimes it makes the blade stick

Commodus: This vexes me. I'm terribly vexed.

Maximus: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius: commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife, and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

5 favorite movies i have on dvd

spirited away
american beauty
godfather part 1
wizard of oz
groundhog day

5 favorite ulam of all time

inihaw na liempo
binagoongan
menudo
sinigang
adobo

top five pinoy rock songs i like...

kundi man
pinay
tao
wally's blues
ang himig natin

top five beatles songs of all time:

because
for no one
in my life
strawberry fields forever
a day in a life

the jay david, top five records of all time:

5. eric clapton, unplugged
4. tapestry, carol king
3. dark side of the moon, pink floyd
2. white album, the beatles
1. running on empty, jackson browne